How to Manage Anger:
A Step by Step Process (II)

I suggested in the first part of this article on how to manage anger that we have the power to manage our anger if we learn to observe it from an inward perspective rather than our outward perception of the events that triggered it.

When we learn how to manage anger we can reach a time in which when it arises again, we are able to let it pass without losing ourselves in it.

The Step by Step Process to Manage Anger

Here is an overview of the process:

1. An obstacle occurs

2. Anger and frustration arise

3. We realize that our reaction –not the obstacle- is the real enemy.

4. We shut down our reactive system.

5. We mindfully direct our attention to the place in our bodies where we are feeling the anger; we hold our attention there for as long as necessary until the anger naturally subsides…

6. We dissipate the anger and recover our pro-active nature.

Here is how this same process looks when we are not able to control our anger:

1. An obstacle occurs:

E.g. there is an unjustified fee in our cc bill, somebody changes our reservation without previous notice, our boss blames us unfairly for losing a big client etc.

2. Our emotional reaction:

We get very upset and angry. We experience a turmoil of emotions that are churning inside of us.

3. Our behavioral reaction:

We call yelling at our cc. company, we get into an argument with our boss or whoever we feel is the one responsible, we feel depressed, aggravated, and discouraged… Everything is a big mess…. And usually at the end nothing gets solved!

Now, this is how the same scenario would look if you apply the techniques to manage anger:

1. An obstacle occurs:

E.g. there is an unjustified fee in your cc bill, somebody changes your reservation without previous notice, your boss blames you unfairly for losing a big client etc.

2. You identify the turmoil of emotions that arise within yourself and realize that your emotional reaction is the real enemy.

Then, you search for the place in your body where you are feeling all those emotions of anger…

Where do you feel them? Do you feel them in your stomach? Or probably closer to your chest? Direct all your attention to that part in your body. Be mindful of every sensation. Breathe into that place in your body where you are feeling the anger.

Empty your mind from all thought and just “be” the feelings in your body.

Stay there for as long as you need to, until you begin to feel lighter and calmer. You will see how your anger will start to dissipate little by little until you feel you have regained your composure…

3. Express your pro-active nature:

By not reacting to the anger, you are now in control of your emotions. You transform your anger into inner accomplishment; you feel at peace. From this peaceful state, your emotions and actions are rooted in love instead of hatred. Automatically, positive feelings and behavior will come forth. You may even see a surprising positive change in the situation that was troubling you.

Mindfulness and Meditation are a Must!

In order to learn how to manage anger, mindfulness and meditation are a must!

For these exercises to work at their best it is necessary to complement them with regular practice of mindfulness and meditation. Happiness and a peaceful state of mind CAN be achieved by training the mind. When you are in control of your thoughts you are in control of your life!

If you haven't visited the first part of this article, please click on the following link:

How to Manage Anger (Part I)




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